CNY has always been my fav festival in the whole year...but the highlight for me is nt 除一, but 除夕。。。when the whole family is at the same table, catching up, laughing abt the horrible new yr movies on tv and sharing good food. Abt 5 years ago, I was on overseas work trip and came back quite late on CNY's eve. I rem being so upset that I missed the dinner and had to wait one more year....
But this year, CNY eve holds a different meaning to me. My dearest grandma has moved on, after struggling with her illness for only a short one mnth....
One mnth ago, she was admitted to TTSH cos the doctor found that her heart is weak and there's liquid retention in her stomach. After a thorough check-up, we discovered that she was actually suffering from Stage 4 cancer and the cancer has spread all over her body. My grandma made a decision to accept chemo.
It was a tough mnth for all of us....seeing how her condition deteriorated and how in the last 2 weeks, she completely lost her appetite. But she nvr once complained abt any discomfort. Whenever my uncle asked if she felt any pain, she will reply no. She never shed a tear in front of us. We were told she will probably only be with us for another few mnths.
A few days ago, the doc discharged her so that she can spend CNY at home. She was exhilarated!! It was totally shocking to receive news that she has passed away on CNY eve!!!
As we were not prepared for the sudden loss, we could not hold a traditional Buddhist Ceremony for her. Fortunately, my uncle managed to get in touch with his Church Priest and arranged a simple but dignified ceremony for my Grandma.
All along, I've never been particularly close to my grandma. I felt that she is quite devoid of emotional feelings....like when my dad passed away a few years ago, she didn't shed a tear. But now, I think she is a strong woman and just didn't want her family to worry. How could she have endured all the pain over and years and never once mention anything?? Whatever it is, I feel gratitude that her suffering is quite short.
This episode made me feel, very strongly, once again, that we must treasure those we love. Once they are gone, it's too late to feel any regret.
嫲嫲, we will miss u terribly.....
